No Presents for Christmas - A Winter's Tale

Inspired some weeks ago by this post, I hit on THE BEST IDEA EVER* for J's winter present.

And now, seeing as we've already opened this year's gifts (I got this!!), J said it was okay to share my genius with you. Yes, all four of you. May the bravery of the characters and the brilliance of their deeds warm your heart on this shortest of days.

(Sorry about the crappy pictures - you'll prolly have to click on the images to make them big enough to read duh)

*I'm aware that, in reality, this story makes no sense whatsoever. But neither does this. So there.

Saturday Porn Slot

In an effort to extend my current mental list of "hot guys in metal", some crafty googling was in order. Sadly, the results were as bad as the regular "hottest chicks" shit. The guys weren't that hot and the bands they were in were a lot worse. Sounding like a wanker is a massive turn off.

Sounding rubbish isn't something that turns me off this guy though! I know a lot of people like Darkthrone and many of them will disagree with me, but the vocals are HORRIBLE. The face, however, is quite the picture.

Just ignore Fenriz in some of these. If anything, he just emphasizes how hot Mr. Skjellum is. In this picture, I like to imagine they're seranading me.

He now works as a teacher in Norway! I wish they'd had this guy at my school.

He also has two daughters (all this, according to wiki). Imagine if this guy was your friend's dad! I'd be round their house allll the time.

Okay, one last picture. I just can't resist!

Metal, especially black metal, is pretty fucking sparse when it comes to a handsome face. Even when you've uncovered some candy, they cover it right back up again with paint! Life just isn't fair.

UPDATE: (Sunday 16th August, 21:28) If, like me, you just can't get enough of the Ted - there's a neat gallery here. Also - that is one hardcore Darkthrone fan.

New Ink

M: New Ink..................
A) that is a shit tattoo
B) i hate people who gets tiny tiny tattoos that you might as well not bother getting
C) i hate it when people refer to them as "ink"

J: another americanism!!! ;(

M: stupid sharpies disease :(((

J: isn't that crap von dee the host or owns a shop called something ink?
hollywood ink?

M: la ink and miami ink are the two shows, i dunno which one she's on. i saw an episode once, it was rubbish :D i hate all those tattoos they're all just the same as everyone else's. i like your one (not jesus) it's cool :D

J: i like A's and fenriz's tattoo's. badly done ones are the way to go

M: what does A have? what does fenriz have for that matter? i've never met either ;)

J: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_5tY-XfbgJe0/SLbG854r1iI/AAAAAAAABAg/l6Ge3ubUr-k/s1600-h/fenritz_tattoo.jpg

A got his done with the same guy i had - he's got a west ham
tattoo, ildrughi, a dragon wit a rose and the same one bruce willis
has in die hard, which is a skull in a tophat smoking. it's so bad
it's great

M: ohh yeah, fenriz has the hanoi rocks one :D :D

andrews sound pretty cool, you should get him to take some pictures of them and send them to me :D the skull one sounds genius :D

the interview with soctt ian in metal hammer i told you about - its the bit where they interview people about their tattoos :) his are boring, they're all samey and average

J: what does he have?

M: umm...some old man face on his knee, angus young, ugh, he got a guitar hero one at la ink D:

J: wtf

angus young?!?!?!

M: I KNOW. fucking AWFUL.

J: :/ almost as bad as the crab rob flynn has on his back :)

M: D: i don't think i've ever seen that either :O i'm so ignorant of people's tattoos :O

J: i saw it at a gig, it's all i know he's got :)

M: he always has that stupid t-shirt on when i've seen them

Evil Cliff

J: fenriz actually looks like cliff :)

M: like a murderous sort of cliff :)